Falling in Love... and when you're the only one who does! - Sharing my Feelings

Falling in Love... and when you're the only one who does! - Sharing my Feelings

I am not writing this so that someone will read it in the future, I am writing this just to express or you know put my feelings in words.. somewhere and I thought this is the perfect place to do.

You may found this really cringy (if anyone reads this in the future) and trash but well my feelings.. 

Yeah again I am updating this blog after like more than a month, I am pretty lazy haha. This time I am writing about my feelings that I have got for someone. A lot of things happened in July and now we are half way in August. I've fell in love and I think this time pretty hard. I am not going to mention her name or who is she, of course privacy is important. I was doing Hotel Management from Amity University, Noida (India) and then I switched my course to BJMC (Mass Communication & Journalism) at Amity again. I had already spent a year studying BHM before I dropped out from it and changed course. It's I think 14 days now since I first went college as a BJMC student, I knew I will fall in love at some time but didn't know it will be this soon. I think at day 3rd I did. That girl was a friend of my friend and we just met all together (with the group). At first when I saw her, I really thought damn she is cute but didn't plan to fall or have any feelings for her. But at the end of the day, I felt her. Like really I could feel her. I thought it's just a little attraction or a little crush that will fade away. It actually didn't. In just 1 day she created a huge impact on my feelings.

I remember I couldn't go to college after that day, for 3 days till the end of the week as I got sick. It was really bad cough and cold and I was just missing her so bad. I even found her Instagram, Facebook, Youtube account by searching up. Our new squad had created a Whatsapp group and she was there so whenever there was a conversation going on and she messaged, I felt so happy. I felt so much happy seeing her messages. I really wanted to see her again or like talk to her. I actually had a very short conversation with her on the first day, It was enough for me to think about and just love with it.

You know the thing I disliked was that next week had a lot of holidays... Monday was off, Thursday, Friday were off too and Saturday and Sunday as always. In the weekend before I went to college again on Tuesday, I dared so hard to follow her on Instagram. It was like 11:00PM night when I did so. And I just waited for her to accept my follow request as her Instagram account was private. I wanted to see more pictures of her so that I could love her more lol. And after a few minutes she actually did accept my follow request. When she did I got a notification on my phone and It made me so damn happy. But for a moment I thought she won't follow me back but she did follow me back after some minutes. Now I was just... well you get it. I couldn't stop smiling just because she followed me back. It was rapid feelings going inside me. Now I could see more of her, I instantly opened her profile and saw those 12 photos/videos she posted. She didn't post much on Instagram as her profile showed but whatever it had made me feel really good. Damn she was so adorable and I just wished she could be mine...

I got to see her next week on Monday and it was like a co-incidence. I was at the corridor after our classes finished with my friend and I saw her there as she was walking by with her female friend. We both had eye contacts for a few seconds, I felt so good but also so much nervous that I just went away from there haha. I wish I had talked to her that moment. Because again I had to wait a week to see her again. Tuesday was her off and her next class was on Friday. Friday was my off and It is actually Friday right now as I am writing this, 16th August 2019. So yeah I could see her again today but I couldn't go because no classes.

Lol now I am realizing that I have already written a lot. For a moment I thought she liked me back or have feelings for me but I was so wrong. I even had a conversation with her on Whatsapp on last Tuesday and that summed it up. She wasn't really interested in the conversation as her chats told. I felt like I am disturbing her and after a while of chatting she ignored me for 2 hours and then replied. I got hurt from that so I didn't reply back and seen zoned her. It really felt bad to me. Felt bad because she replied so late, and it wasn't that she was busy. She was online on Instagram as she ignored my message for 2 hours. I actually checked that by checking her activity on the following tab. I was like dude she isn't interested so it's not worth to try.

She till now didn't even see a single story of me posted on Instagram. I keep checking her on Whatsapp if she is online or not, even that makes me feel good doesn't matter if we don't even talk. I keep checking her activity on Instagram and the photos she likes, that makes me feel good. I keep checking her photos and just stare and get lost in thoughts about her. I create love stories between us on my mind. I listen to love songs thinking about her. I expect that she may message me herself and talk about her day with me. I expect that she will love me back soon enough. I just keep thinking about her and It feels that I never loved someone this much, this hard. I hope that we have a future. I don't know what is gonna happen on next Monday, will I get to see her? Will we talk?

I don't know that yet but the future me does. All I know and think right now is that if she somehow becomes my girlfriend, like even 0.00000001% in chance. I will treat her and love her so much that she is gonna be my everything. I will never let her go... Love is a beautiful feeling, it feels good but it hurts also. I think love is the most powerful drug and pain is a part of it.

I love HER.